he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
