I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
