Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
