Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize