and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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