I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
