woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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