No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
