it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
