you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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