butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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