i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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