I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
