It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
