we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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