According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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