piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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