The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
