roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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