Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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