Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
