U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
