I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
