I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
