Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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