Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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