I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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