We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
