i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
