I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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