what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
