They should really pass out barf bags in church
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
