I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
