I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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