dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
