She is in my trunk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
