Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm always down for nudity.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
