My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
