Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
