Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
