foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
