Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
