ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
