I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
