he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
