Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
