Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Drake has all the answers
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
