so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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