Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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