Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
