There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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