Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize