So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize