I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
