I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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