some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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