sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
