oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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