I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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