You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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