I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
