There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
