When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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