we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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