babies were throwing up all over the place
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize