i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
