I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize