i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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